Mother’s Guilt… where do I start. I am sure that all full- and part-time working mums and dads feel it and all of us for exactly the same reasons. Not spending enough time with our children.
I know that my children are happy, I know that they are well taken care off and do not suffer because of me working. I also know that they are not as close to me as they are to my hubby because of all of the time that he gets to spend with them and I do not. This is because even though he and I work full-time, his job is shift-work and so he is almost always home 3-4 days out of the week. Rarely there are weeks where he is gone for more than that and then it is to do some overtime.
I try and make time for my sons, but in the morning I have half an hour to get them ready and we rash out the door so that I can drop them off at childminders and get to work on time. After work I rash home to pick them up from childminders, but all I get with them is one and a half hour before they go to sleep. We go for a walk with our new puppy and I try and talk with them if they feel like talking… Then its bath, bedtime story and bed, and yet again I feel like I spent absolutely no time with them and they are growing up with me not having much input into their upbringing.
My childminder spends more time with them than I do.. My youngest started calling her mummy (I am mama) and my eldest calls her mama and me by her name by mistake. I understand that she essentially raising them, but still it hurts.. Yesterday, I heard my youngest calling my childminder’s hubby daddy… So at least they do feel very comfy in that house and that is all that matters. Doesn’t it?
Weekends are the only time that I really have with them, yet as I am not home all week I find myself spending time cleaning, cooking, washing and driving my eldest to his activities. I do make sure that we get out somewhere, be that a playground or a nature walk, yet when weekend is done the guilt is there. The little voice in my head says yet again you spent no time with them…
My eldest does ask why I can’t be like other mums and stay at home, that is question I always dread. I do not want him to think that the only reason I go to work is to earn money so that they have food on the table and clothes to wear. I do not want him to think that that is all that work is about. So I tell him that it is something that I really love doing and I get paid for it which is always a plus, I hope that when he grows up he find something that he loves doing and will earn money doing what he loves 🙂
Secretly though I wish I could, just for couple of years, just until both of them want to spend more time with their friends than us, but I know that if I do I will lose any chance of fulfilling myself.
I am a firm believer that happy mum equals happy, well balanced kids and so I will continue developing myself and achieving my goals in order to reach the position that I know I would be good at. Also, in couple of years when they are all grown if I give this up now I will definitely look back and say why did I give it up and lost any chance of having this fulfillment.
So I continue this routine of spending as much time with my kids as I am able, working my full-time job that I do love doing, but making sure to have great holidays when I am off work..
Anyone else feeling like this?